Fashion Tips for White Folks

23 Apr

I am a WASP by birth, and grew up in Cleveland, so there is a lot to the fashion world that I am simply not constituted to understand. That said, I would like to make the following, somewhat acid, observations;

1) Neon or fluorescent colors do not flatter anybody whose skin is not at least caffè au lait brown. Some white people do look good in them, but such people are so naturally good looking that what they wear doesn’t really matter very much; they would look good in a trash bag.

2) Dreadlocks are a cultural artifact of Rastafarianism, and thus a legitimate expression of ethnicity for anyone from Jamaica or Ethiopia, and by extension for anyone of similar genetic background. White people who wear dreadlocks look like pillocks.

3) Young healthy bodies are attractive, so young people can get away with exposing a good deal. Older bodies are less attractive, and pretending that your body isn’t older without Hollywood level camerawork fools nobody but yourself.

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